


It's Too Late

by shipfiction



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anorexia, Bulimia, Character Death, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-24
Updated: 2013-06-24
Packaged: 2017-12-16 00:02:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/855496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipfiction/pseuds/shipfiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It only took a few mean-spirited words for Niall to completely spin out of control.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Too Late

Liam sits next to Niall, sandwich in hand, watching strange American television. Niall looks over at Liam, watching him raise his hand to his mouth again, taking a big bite of his sandwich. Niall would love to eat, he would love to eat normally, he would love to be normal again, but he just can’t. He can’t get back into his old groove of eating all the time, whatever he wanted, without feeling completely guilty afterwards, it was a curse. You could say it was a fan’s fault, if you could call her that. Niall had been at the pool, shirtless, when a fan came up and asked for a photo. It had been Niall’s day off, so he politely declined, not wanting to attract any extra attention with a very friendly “Sorry, babe. It’s my day off…I just want to relax..” She scoffed.

 

“Whatever, you’re the ugly one anyway.” Niall looked up at her under his sunglasses, thinking he’d heard something wrong. “You should really stop being a such a cunt to all your fans, you aren’t top shit, Niall.” Niall stared at the girl, the straw sitting in his fruity cocktail still resting lightly in his mouth. “You know, maybe if you weren’t so fucking rude and fat, people would like you more. Try the gym, instead of sitting on your ass all day, might do you good.” She looked him up and down before turning away, walking off. Niall watched after her, blinking slowly, letting what she said sink in. That’s where the self-hate began, little by little, the blonde would skip a meal or two, sometimes not eat at all. He hated it, but the somewhat thinner reflection he saw in the mirror was worth it, totally worth it.

 

—

 

He wasn’t bulimic until he heard a few fans talk about it, after a concert when Niall was roaming the arena when he shouldn’t have been. He’d told the boys he was feeling light headed and needed some fresh air, which was true, the Irishman hadn’t eaten in almost two days. Not a single solid, only water. He slowly walked down the hallway, purple shirt on with khaki pants that were getting loose around his waist, hanging low on his pale hips. He saw a pair of girls coming out of a bathroom from far away, quickly moving behind a wall that separated one hallway from the other, listening to their conversation as it echoed down the (almost) empty hallway.

 

“My throat is going to be scratched up till next week after that, holy fuck, I knew I shouldn’t have eaten that burger.”

 

“At least you ate, I was throwing up pure liquid, it felt horrible.” Niall furrowed his brow, confused about what they were talking about, before one of the girls continued. “I should grow my nails out, though, you’re smart for that.” 

 

“Thanks.” Niall could hear the smile in her voice as it got closer. Niall leaned against the wall, trying to act nonchalant, like he wasn’t eavesdropping on these random girl’s conversation. “You look really good, though, I’m jealous.” Did they make themselves throw up to be…skinnier? Niall shook his head, pulling out his phone as it vibrated in his pocket, unlocking it to check his new text.

 

From: Harry (20:46)

Where are you, mate? We’re about to leave Xx

 

On the other side of the arena, Harry quickly read Niall’s reply.

 

From: Niall (20:48)

makin my way back x

 

Niall looked up, shoving his phone in his pocket, the hallway suddenly extremely quiet. He turned around to find the two girls staring at him, wide-eyed and open-mouthed.

 

“Please don’t scream.”

 

—

 

“You’re sure you aren’t hungry?” Liam asked for the 100th time, and Niall sighed, shaking his head. Liam stared at Niall for a long moment before poking Niall’s stomach. “You’re really thin, you sure you’re okay?” Liam’s voice sounded worried, and Niall wouldn’t deny that that was cute, Liam caring so much.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine. I ate earlier.”

 

“No you didn’t, I was with you all day.” Niall stared at Liam, his insides panicking, remembering that yes, Liam had been with Niall all day. Shit.

 

“Uh, yeah, I actually am a little hungry..” Niall mumbled, swallowing audibly. Liam smiled and got up, disappearing into their en-suite kitchen, coming out a few minutes later with a bottle of water and a plate of pizza. Niall tired to make his mouth smile, coming out with a sort of pained grimace. Liam pretended not to notice, stopping in front of Niall’s body with his arm outstretched, offering the plate. Niall took it with a small smile up at Liam, setting the hot paper plate down on his lap before picking a piece up and taking a bite. It tasted good, yes, but the tiny voice in the back of Niall’s mind reminded him what a fucking pig he was, so he tried to finish the pizza as quickly as possible.

 

“Whoa, it’s like you haven’t eaten in days! Slow down, Nialler.” Niall raised his eyebrows at Liam’ valid statement, though the older boy had no idea how right he was. Niall finished off both pieces of pizza Liam had given him fast, just wanting to get it over with. When he finished, Niall set the plate down on the counter in front of him, opening the bottle of water with no small effort, suddenly feeling really weak even though he was still somewhat muscular. Niall tipped the bottle back, chugging the tasteless liquid. Niall sat back as Liam wrapped his arm around the blonde’s shoulder, pulling him closer to his side in a half-assed hug. Niall smiled, the voice in his mind getting louder, harder to ignore.

 

“You’re fat.” It repeated, getting louder and louder. Niall whimpered before standing up abruptly, exiting the room without a glance back, quickly walking into the bathroom and slamming the door behind him before throwing his palms over his ears, pressing the heel of each harder into them, trying to block out the noise. “You’re ugly, and you’re fat, Niall, no one will ever love you. Liam won’t love you, you don’t deserve him.” It said, making Niall hit the right side of his head repeatedly, sinking down to the ground, sobs racking his body. “You don’t deserve to be alive, Niall, you don’t deserve any of this. You’re just a fat fuck, wasting everyone’s time.” Niall felt sick, his chest heaving up and down, trying to gulp down air, trying to breathe. Then he was leaning over the toilet, throwing up the entire contents of his stomach into the bowl, horrible retching sounds clawing up his throat. Niall gripped the seat, so hard the tips of his fingers turned white, crying as he threw up, feeling worse than he did before. Niall felt guilty, useless, and by the time he finished spewing everything in his stomach, he felt numb, empty. Niall stood up and looked across the room, the scale taunting him. Niall wondered why there was a scale in this hotel, but he didn’t question it as he rushed over to it like a drug addict stepping on. The digital number went up, flipping through numbers before stopping on 108. Niall whined, 3 pounds away from his goal, Niall felt heavy. There was a knock on the door before Liam’s voice rang through.

 

“Niall, are you okay?” Liam asked, his voice timid and worried. “Was it the pizza?” Niall walked over to the mirror, slowly taking off his shirt, which just looked like a blanket of fabric while it was on Niall’s body, looking at himself in the mirror. The blonde’s ribs were prominent, you could see the indents of the bones if you stared hard enough, his stomach slightly caved in, his arms tiny and nimble. Niall sniffed, his eyes roaming his face, dark bags under his eyes and visible cheekbones. To everyone outside, Niall looked like death. To Niall, he hadn’t changed at all. He was still looked exactly the same as when he started, chubby and disgusting. Everyone around him knew he wasn’t, everyone who saw him knew he was far from ‘fat’, he was thin, perfect for his height. He wasn’t ‘disgusting’, he wasn’t big. He was perfect. Niall just didn’t see that.

 

“Why can’t you lose weight?” Niall mumbled, pulling at fat and skin that wasn’t there, sneering at his reflection in the mirror.

 

“Oh, Niall, what have you done?” Niall’s eyes flew open wide as he spun around to face Liam at the door, who was looking at Niall’s body, jaw eyes just as wide, mouth open slightly. “What have you done?” Niall moved closer to Liam, opening his mouth to explain, but Liam took a step back before looking up, looking Niall in the eye, then disappearing from the bathroom, out the hallway, out the door. Niall doubled over, feeling like the wind had just been knocked out of him. He sobbed, he didn’t mean to, but he couldn’t stop himself. Niall dropped to the ground again, feeling like someone was stepping on his chest, pushing all the air out of him so he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t breathe. Niall lay on the ground, gasping for air as more sobs racked his fragile chest, feeling weaker than he’s ever felt in his life, knowing Liam has left him for good.

 

Liam rushed down the hallway, searching for the room he was looking for before stopping in front of it, banging on the door, unaware of the thick tears falling down his face, the cries of fear escaping his lips, desperate for someone to tell him what to do, he didn’t know how to fix this, he didn’t know how to make this right. Liam banged on the door harder, yelling for Louis, yelling for Harry, yelling for Zayn, yelling for someone to help him. A moment later, Harry opened the door with an irritated expression on his face before it softened, a concerned on taking over.

 

“Liam, you okay?” Harry asked, peeking his head out from behind the door. Liam moved forward, pushing the door and stepping inside, not noticing the naked Louis on the bed, or the naked state of Harry, not really caring at this point. Liam didn’t notice Louis’ protests as he threw a blanket over himself, or how Harry tried to cover himself, which he normally wouldn’t, if he wasn’t sporting the hard-on he had now.

 

“Niall, he, Niall, he hasn’t, shit, Harry, I didn’t know, he’s not okay, he’s so thin, I just, I didn’t know, I don’t know how to help him, help me, please, I don’t, I can’t,” Liam fell on his knees before hunching over and tangling his fingers in his hair, bawling hard, choking on his own words. Harry stared at Liam’s back before glancing up at Louis and pulling on his boxers, kneeling next to Liam, whispering soothing words in his ear, telling him they couldn’t help unless Liam told them what was wrong. Harry rubbed circles on Liam’s back as he calmed down, finally lifting his head while Louis got out of bed, pulling on his boxers and a pair of pajama pants, Harry getting up for a moment to do the same. “Niall’s bulimic,” Liam finally got out, making Harry pause in his movements and Louis quietly gasps.

 

“What?”

 

“I heard him throwing up in the bathroom, so I went to go check on him to see if he was okay, and he looked so thin, he looked so fragile, I just-“ Liam wailed, covering his face with his hands and falling onto Louis, who caught him and wrapping him into a hug, looking up at Harry who was walking back over to the pair, a serious look on his face.

 

“When was this?” Harry asked sitting down next to Louis.

 

“I saw him, and, I-I don’t know, I came here.” Liam stammered, pulling himself together, taking deep breaths.

 

“Where is he now?” Harry continued now, trying to ignore the pounding of his heart, hoping Liam hadn’t been stupid enough to leave him by himself.

 

“Back in our room.” Liam sighed.

 

“Is Zayn there?” Liam shook his head no. “You left him alone?” Harry asked, hoping he’d say no, hoping he’d tell him Josh was there, but Liam’s slow shake of the head had him up on his feet and out the door in a flash. Louis got up and followed, Liam trailing behind. When Harry got to the door, it was still half open, and Harry slipped past effortlessly. Harry entered the room, looking around. “Niall?” He called, stopping once he got to the bathroom, looking inside, then gasping before turning to Louis.

 

“What, what is it?” Louis asked, moving quickly to Harry’s side as Liam appeared by the doorway. Louis turned to the bathroom, taking in Niall’s limp form lying on the bathroom floor, pale and motionless, his hand holding something, his fingers loosely curled around a photo, it looked like. Louis’ eyes widened as Harry moved inside the bathroom.

 

“Keep him out of here.” Harry commanded and Louis turned to Liam as he stepped closer, blocking his way.

 

“Come on Liam, let’s go back to my room, yeah?” Liam looked at Louis’ face, fear finally showing itself in Liam’s dark brown eyes before he opened his mouth.

 

“Why?”

 

“That’s not important, let’s just go and come back later, okay?”

 

“Where’s Niall?”

 

“Come on, Liam.” Louis tried pushing him out the door, but Liam began pushing back, trying to get to the bathroom.

 

“Harry!” He shouted, trying to move past the older man blocking him. “Louis move, Niall!” He yelled, his voice breaking. “Niall?” Liam pushed past Louis with a heavy shove before running to the bathroom and stopping in front of the door, seeing Harry with his hands on Niall’s chest, pushing down repeatedly while counting a soft ‘1, 2, 3,’ then leaning down, blowing air into Niall’s open mouth. Liam’s breath caught, his heart stopped as he sank down to the floor, unaware of the cries and wails that were clawing their way out of his throat. Liam moved closer to Niall’s limp body before pushing Harry away. “Get out of here, get out! Go!” Liam yelled, his voice menacing. Harry fell on his ass, watching Liam cradle Niall’s lifeless body, bringing him closer to his own in a hug, his arms wrapped around Niall’s torso while Niall’s head fall back. Liam gently lay Niall back down on the ground, unable to see through his own tears, resting his head on the blonde’s chest, searching for a heartbeat that no longer was. “Niall, please don’t do this, you can’t leave me, please,” Liam pleaded, cradling Niall’s face as the brunette’s tears fell. Harry clutched a towel on the floor, crying silently as Louis stood in the doorway, his hand over his mouth as he watched the scene unfold. Liam leaned down and pressed a desperate kiss to Niall’s lips, almost as if he was trying to give the younger boy life.

 

“Niall…” Harry whispered, though no one heard him as Liam’s gaze fell on the Polaroid in Niall’s hand, gently picking up, recognizing the picture almost instantly. It was Niall and himself, arms around each other with big goofy smiles on their faces, the picture taken on the last night of their 2012 US Tour. Another sob made it’s way out of Liam as he clutched the picture tighter, reading the writing on the bottom of the Polaroid, ‘I love you, Liam’. Liam gasped before dropping the photo, lying down and resting his head on Niall’s corpse. Liam cried until couldn’t anymore, until he was sure he wasn’t alive anymore, for he could no longer feel. Liam held the picture close to his heart, looking up at his love’s dead body.

 

“I’m so sorry, Niall. I’m so sorry.”

**Author's Note:**

> find [this](http://shipfiction.tumblr.com/post/29028367290/title-its-too-late-pairing-niam-larry) and [me](http://shipfiction.tumblr.com/) on tumblr


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